Key Takeaways
➢ Leadership is as much an emotional endeavour as it is a strategic one.
➢ Leaders face unique emotional pressures, including isolation, decision fatigue and the burden of responsibility.
➢ Vulnerability is not a weakness in leadership – it can foster trust, resilience and connection.
➢ Emotional intelligence (EQ) is strongly linked to effective leadership, supported by decades of research.
➢ Leaders can take specific actions to better manage their emotional wellbeing and lead more effectively, including reflection, peer support, coaching and self-care.
Introduction: More Than Strategy and Results
Leadership is often viewed through the lens of performance, influence and vision. Yet behind the titles, responsibilities and strategic decisions lies a deeply human experience – one shaped by uncertainty, interpersonal dynamics and emotional labour. Being a leader means managing not only people and projects, but also one’s own inner world. While much has been written about leadership competencies and styles, less attention is given to the emotional realities leaders face. This article explores the emotional side of leadership, the challenges it brings and how embracing vulnerability and emotional intelligence can transform the way leaders show up.
The Emotional Challenges of Leadership
1. The Weight of Responsibility
Leadership comes with high expectations. Leaders are responsible for outcomes, people’s livelihoods and often the culture of entire teams or organisations. This responsibility can feel like a heavy emotional load – especially when decisions involve trade-offs, such as restructuring teams, letting people go or navigating crises.
Psychologist and leadership scholar Dr. Ronald Heifets refers to this as “holding steady” in the face of adaptive challenges – situations where there is no clear answer and the leader must absorb anxiety while maintaining direction. This constant emotional regulation can be draining.
2. Isolation at the Top
Many leaders experience a profound sense of isolation. While they may be surrounded by people, they can feel alone in their decision-making. Colleagues may not be peers and internal political dynamics can prevent open dialogue. Leaders often suppress personal doubts or worry for fear of appearing weak or uncertain.
A Harvard Business Review survey found that 61% of CEOs feel loneliness in their role, and of those, 50% reported that it affects their performance.
Leadership often requires a strong front, but the cost is the emotional burden of having no safe space to be vulnerable.
3. Decision Fatigue and Emotional Exhaustion
Leaders make hundreds of decisions a day – some small, others with far-reaching consequences. Each decision draws on mental and emotional energy. Over time, this leads to decision fatigue and can affect emotional regulation, leading to irritability, indecision or burnout.
Research by Baumeister et al. (1998) on ego depletion supports this idea: our ability to self-regulate and make decisions deteriorates with overuse. Leaders who don’t create space for rest and reflection risk emotional exhaustion and poor judgment.
4. Emotional Labour and Role Complexity
The concept of “emotional labour” was coined by sociologist Arlie Hochschild in 1983 to describe the process of managing feelings to fulfil the emotional requirements of a role. Leaders are expected to remain composed under pressure, inspire others even when they are uncertain and remain emotionally attuned to others’ needs.
This balancing act – maintaining personal authenticity while managing group morale – is emotionally taxing. Leaders often suppress their own emotions in order to “show up” for others, which can lead to internal dissonance and stress.
Vulnerability: A Powerful Leadership Tool
For generations, vulnerability in leadership was seen as a liability. Today, that narrative is shifting.
Brené Brown, a research professor at the University of Houston and author of Dare to Lead, has been instrumental in reframing vulnerability as a strength. She defines vulnerability as “uncertainty, risk and emotional exposure.” In leadership, this could mean admitting you don’t have all the answers, acknowledging mistakes or expressing authentic emotion.
Why does this matter? Vulnerability builds trust. According to Google’s Project Aristotle (2012), psychological safety – the belief that one can speak up without fear of ridicule or punishment – is the most important factor in high-performing teams. Leaders who model openness create environments where others feel safe to do the same.
Moreover, vulnerability humanises leaders. It invites connection and shows that strength does not mean invulnerability. Rather, true strength lies in the courage to show up fully – even when it’s uncomfortable. A case study highlighting the benefits of vulnerability can be found at the end of this article.
The Role of Emotional Intelligence in Leadership
Emotional intelligence (EQ) is the capacity to recognise, understand and manage emotions in oneself and others. Psychologist Daniel Goleman’s work popularised the idea that EQ matters more than IQ in leadership effectiveness.
Goleman outlines five key components of emotional intelligence:
- 1. Self-awareness – understanding your own emotions and their impact.
- 2. Self-regulation – managing emotional responses, especially in stressful situations.
- 3. Motivation – staying driven and focused on goals.
- 4. Empathy – understanding the emotions of others.
- 5. Social skills – building relationships and managing interpersonal dynamics.
Research consistently shows that leaders with high EQ are better at managing teams, navigating conflict and driving performance. In one study by TalentSmart, 90% of top performers were found to have high emotional intelligence.
Developing EQ isn’t just a professional advantage – it’s also a buffer against the emotional toll of leadership. It helps leaders stay grounded, respond (rather than react) and foster more resilient teams.
Practical Actions for Emotionally Intelligent Leadership
1. Build a Support System
Leaders need safe spaces too. This might include peer groups, mentors, coaches or trusted colleagues. Regular conversations with those who understand the leadership journey can reduce isolation and provide valuable perspective.
Executive coaching offers a confidential space for leaders to explore their emotional experiences, make sense of challenges and develop new strategies.
2. Practice Reflective Leadership
Regular reflection – through journaling, meditation or structured self-inquiry – helps leaders process emotions and gain insight into patterns. Questions to reflect on might include:
● What emotions have I experienced most this week?
● When have I reacted rather than responded?
● What am I avoiding emotionally and why?
Reflection helps transform reactive leadership into conscious leadership.
3. Model Authentic Communication
Leaders set the tone. By acknowledging uncertainty, sharing appropriate personal stories or admitting mistakes, leaders give others permission to do the same. This fosters psychological safety and creates more open, resilient cultures.
That doesn’t mean oversharing or expressing unprocessed emotion – it means communicating with intention and honesty.
4. Create Emotional Check-ins in Teams
Normalising conversations about emotional wellbeing supports a healthier work environment. Leaders might begin meetings with a quick emotional check-in, ask team members how they’re really doing or make space for debriefs after high-stress projects.
These practices foster empathy, reduce stigma and promote wellbeing.
5. Prioritise Self-Care
It’s not indulgent – it’s essential. Leaders who neglect their own wellbeing are at higher risk of burnout, poor decision-making and strained relationships.
Self-care might include boundaries around work hours, exercise, creative hobbies, time in nature or regular rest. Importantly, it also involves emotional hygiene: recognising and processing emotions before they accumulate.
6. Develop Emotional Intelligence Skills
EQ can be cultivated. Leadership development programs, coaching and personal study can enhance self-awareness, empathy and emotional regulation. Feedback – both formal and informal – can also be a powerful tool when used constructively. This article in the Harvard Business Review will give you a deeper insight into the topic.
Summary: Leadership as an Emotional Journey
Leadership is not just a role – it’s an emotional journey. It involves facing uncertainty, absorbing pressure, managing people’s experiences and maintaining one’s own inner stability. These challenges are not signs of failure but intrinsic aspects of what it means to lead.
Recognising the emotional side of leadership – and developing the courage to engage with it – can deepen effectiveness, improve relationships and enhance personal wellbeing.
Vulnerability, far from being a weakness, is a vital leadership strength. When leaders embrace their humanity, they create more inclusive, innovative and emotionally intelligent workplaces.
Ultimately, emotionally intelligent leadership is not about perfection – it’s about presence. It’s about showing up, staying connected to purpose and leading with both heart and mind.
Final Thoughts
In an era of complexity, change and increasing human demands on organisations, leadership must evolve beyond control and certainty. It must embrace empathy, openness and emotional truth.
The good news? Emotional intelligence, vulnerability and resilience are learnable. With the right support and intention, leaders can grow not just in skill, but in presence – and in doing so, create more sustainable, humane and powerful leadership cultures.
Case Study
Leading with Vulnerability: How One Leader Transformed Her Team by Telling the Truth
In leadership, we often feel we need to be the steady one – the rock others can rely on. But what happens when the leader is the one feeling uncertain, overwhelmed or out of their depth?
Let me share a story that shows how one leader’s choice to be honest about how she was really feeling not only helped her team cope but ultimately brought them closer together.
The Leader: Helen’s Story
Helen was a Director of Strategy in a fast-growing tech company. She had a reputation for being sharp, composed and incredibly capable. Her team respected her, and under her leadership, they had delivered some impressive results.
But then came a major organisational shake-up – a merger that brought new leadership, new system and a whole lot of uncertainty. Helen noticed something was shifting in her team. People were quieter in meetings. Creativity had dipped. The usual spark of collaboration had dimmed.
What Helen didn’t say at first – but was feeling deeply – was that she was struggling too. The pressure to lead confidently while managing her own anxieties was taking its toll. She began to wonder: is anyone else feeling like this?
The Moment She Spoke Up
After a couple of coaching conversations, which included discussing vulnerability and psychological safety, Helen had a breakthrough. Maybe the most helpful thing she could do for her team wasn’t to pretend she had it all together, but to tell the truth.
At the next team meeting, she paused before diving into the agenda. Instead, she told the team she wanted to be honest with them and admitted that she had found the past months tough trying to navigate all the changes. She admitted she had felt uncertain and had been questioning if she had been doing the right things. She told them she had been trying to stay strong, but realised that perhaps being open might be more helpful than trying to appear perfect and put on a front. She then asked the team how they were feeling.
That moment changed everything.
What Happened Next
There was silence at first. Then, slowly, team members began to nod and admit that they had also been feeling the same. What followed was one of the most honest conversations they’d ever had as a team.
And over the following weeks, Helen noticed some powerful shifts:
● People started speaking up more. With vulnerability normalised, there was less fear of saying the wrong thing.
● Collaboration came back. Team members began supporting each other more proactively, checking in and offering help without being asked.
● Energy returned. With the emotional weight lifted, creativity and initiative started to flow again.
Helen later reflected that showing vulnerability had been one of the most courageous acts of leadership in her career and, far from weakening her authority, it had made her team trust her more.
Why This Matters
We sometimes believe that being a strong leader means hiding our doubts. But real strength often lies in being brave enough to be seen as human. Shelley Zalis, founder and CEO of The Female Quotient, shares her experiences and talks more about this subject from her own perspective in this Forbes’ article.
When leaders share their honest emotions – appropriately and with care – they give others permission to do the same, and that creates space for trust, empathy and resilience.
What are your thoughts on the emotional challenges in leadership? Have you encountered any of these challenges in your own life or career? Book a free call to explore how coaching can help you approach your role as a leader with emotional intelligence, vulnerability and resilience.
